Religion and I!

It’s that celebratory time of the year. With Gods and dancing and crowds and feasting and fasting and people and staying up late and praying and dressing up in new clothes. It’s also that time of the year which makes me question my stand on faith and religion because frankly speaking, I do not know.

So while people down below Dandiya away to Desi Girl (I am not sure how that is part of religious festivities), I sit on my 11 floor high pedestal trying to figure my mind out.  I have to have an opinion, don’t I? I am a Hindu. Everybody has some take on religion. You are either a believer or a non-believer.

“Do you believe in God, Rukmini?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Uhhh… I just don’t understand the concept!”

“Have you tried to?”

“No.”

“Then how can you say that you God doesn’t exist?”

And I guess I have lost the argument. Sometimes I think to myself that I really should read up and know the whole deal behind it and really try and figure out what the God business is about. But then again, why do I have to have an opinion? Because the fact is, I don’t think I have an opinion. I couldn’t call myself a believer because I don’t quite follow anything or understand much of it. So does that make me an atheist? No, because that would mean that I have given some thought to it and I know what its about but I have chosen to deny the existence of God. So what am I? It’s the very fact that I think I am expected to have some view on religion and God that I am mostly lost in my head, having no argument to base my stand on.

Most people I know believe. Mostly because they just are expected to. I’m sure they never thought about it but accepted it because it is something every does. Everybody has a religion. Mostly everyone. When I was really small I remember watching this Mahesh Bhatt interview on TV where he said that he didn’t believe in God. And my thought was, “How can he not?”. Because believing in God is just a done and accepted thing. It’s one of those things where you don’t ask. You just do.

The point of “tradition” always crops up when an argument about religion is taking place. “Rukmini, as a Bengali you must go for Durga Puja and pray!” It is what a Bengali is supposed to do. (Just to clarify, I consider Durga Puja an entirely religious affair and the whole societal and enjoyment factor is just what happens to be a by product of it!) But no, I argue back, religion and tradition are not the same. Religion forms a part of our tradition, a part I just don’t feel anything for. Just like many parts of our tradition that they choose not to feel for.

Why is religion such a big deal?

Then there is the other extreme. The anti-Gods, as I say. The kind who sit and waste their time arguing about how God does not exist and that people are so stupid and try and find theories supporting their cause. I don’t get that either. I find an atheist similar to a religious extremist. They both have very firm, extreme views that will ultimately cause a lot of fighting and arguing. What’s the point in going to great lengths to prove or disprove something that is as personal as an individuals deepest thoughts? For me, anti-Gods believe in not-believing, which ultimately makes them believe in something.

I have another point. One which I know will make people go, “Oh God, Rukmini!” but I shall say it anyhow.

I had a conversation with an aunt recently. She was on her way to the temple, troubled with thoughts and she tripped and fell on the road. She was angry at herself but then after going to the temple she realised that it was only because of God that she didn’t get hurt. And at that point I needed to stop and think to myself, how do people even think of that?! God? What did God have to do with anything here? It wasn’t even about luck that there wasn’t any car or anything else that could have hurt her. It was just reality. Things happen all the time and it isn’t necessary that something bad always has to happen. Just because something bad doesn’t happen doesn’t mean that God didn’t make it happen. Good stuff also happens and well, it just happens.

So my point is that God diminishes peoples belief in themselves. If something good happens to a person, like if a student really wanted to get into a particular college or something like that and actually manages to get through, their first reaction is to thank God. No wait!!! God didn’t make you get there. You got their on your own. Because you worked hard!! Why don’t people see that? Isn’t that a greater sense of achievement knowing that you got what you wanted because of yourself?

What really do people expect when they “pray”? Oh God, please let me do well in my test tomorrow. Does the person actually think that the forces will start working to answer that prayer? In that case, shouldn’t life be all perfect for everybody who prays? But why do people need to have something to hang on to? Something that makes them believe in themselves? Ironic, isn’t it? You need something else to give you strength and confidence to do something and when everything works out you credit it to that something else… so where does your own strength and confidence even play a part? What was the need or point in praying for it?

I do not understand it and sometimes I wonder if I want to anyway.

When I was between the ages of 6-8 or something I would say a prayer before sleeping. That I could fall asleep quickly, that I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night and that I didn’t get scary dreams. In that order and just that. I said it every night. There was one night I didn’t “pray” and I had a horrible dream where my eyes were bleeding profusely. I was convinced it happened because I didn’t pray. And thus it reaffirmed my faith in my silly little prayer and God. I do not “pray” anymore, and I sleep well and occasionally get scary dreams but doesn’t everyone?

Where did it all change for me? I do not know. And that is when it changed. Religion, God, Prayers have never been a part of my life, my family life or my daily life. I never thought about it. I just know that when someone asks me to do something religious, I do not like it. I do not like to go to temples or to participate in a Puja. Simply because it is boring and lame and time consuming and nothing really happens doing all that. Not because of any other anti-religious reasons. When older people who are so religious tell me how belief is so important and that I must have faith in God, I am often tempted to answer them back. Look how they are, with their beliefs and whatever. Rude, irritable, have hundreds of can’t-do-this-and-that, make life difficult for people around them and living a far from ideal life. Ideal meaning peaceful, happy, family life. My parents do not have strong faith. My mother believes but I don’t know what she does with it. My father does not believe. We have gone through our whole life without trying to find inner peace by turning to God and well, we are doing much better than them.

I guess when you don’t have the whole God business to think and worry about in your mind, you actually have time to think and do constructive and useful things. You actually have time to realise that things in your life are great and take things in instead of worrying about how you have to head back home at this time to do your puja and whether or not you can do eat meat on a Tuesday or any other religious obligations. Then you have your own set of things you like doing and thing you think you shouldn’t, not because you are supposed to do things a certain way because of your religion. Again, I am not anti-religion and think that people should stop it or anything. Just really try and think what is it that you truly get out of your belief that you couldn’t have gotten otherwise?

I do not believe in destiny. I do not believe in luck. I think that things just happen because well, that’s how life works. Out of a hundred people if you get selected for something, it isn’t your luck. Somebody HAD to get selected and it happened to be you. There is nothing out of the ordinary about that. It’s quite simple, actually. It’s just about people. I believe in people. I get by things knowing that people have my back. Not God! And I have faith in myself. It’s really not that difficult.

And so my take on religion and God? The same take I have on the political condition of Namibia (no offence to Namibia, just). I don’t get it at all, know anything about it, it doesn’t affect my life and I’m doing fine without it. But I do not disrespect it.