My mind is restless these days. The temporariness of life and its ever changing state has suddenly made me realise that time is running out already. It’s just the one shot we get before we get lost into oblivion. I don’t have big plans. I don’t want to find myself or figure out my purpose in life. I just want to live and do things that make me happy at that moment. Look back at my life and not feel like I could have done so much more. I want satisfaction, not regret.
I want to write a book, make an impressionable social change, travel the world aimlessly, indulge in long conversations, meet interesting people, push myself to try things I think I can’t do, play in snow, keep another dog, have a nice cozy house, be able to cook really well, make pretty designs, have a red wall in my room. I want to be able to do things I want to without fearing the world. Do small things and great things. Without any underlying deep purpose. Be free in the middle of an endless green hill. And just lie there until its dark. Then maybe move on to the beach.
It is not practical and it is not easy to be a vagabond in life. Because we do not have to just think about ourselves but those around us also. Our lives are temporary but we live to make lives of those after ours better, and they live for those after them. So its an endless cycle of taking care of generations, making their lives easier than it was for us. There is little you do for yourself. And that is where I want to step in. Before I get to that age of passive responsibility, I want to be consistently excited.
So far in life I have done things which surpass the common understanding of what safe and boring is. I have done things which are exciting, risky, immensely enjoyable and if people get to know, I would have to kill them. And that gives me a sense of accomplishment. And that is exactly what I want to feel 10 years down the line, too. To have so many things to look back to that looking ahead doesn’t seem frightening anymore.
I am restless because somehow I feel restricted. I want to do so much not in my thoughts, but in reality. It’s easy living life in your thoughts and I’m tired of it now. I want to take “the leap” into a place where I am not so comfortable, where I am tried and tested and where I can do more than I think. I am lost because do not know how to do that. It starts with small baby steps, right? And I’d like to believe that I have started. Time will tell.
Aimless rambling is also not good so I shall take leave to go start my walk into a more purposeful and hopefully wholesome life!
The ’sole’ purpose of life is not to just do things for oneself. Very right. Though, it is at the same time one must ‘invest’ on himself or herself the most.
To stop living lives of people and also to stop expecting people to live life their way.
Do not feel restricted, for you’ve just started and there’s certainly much more exciting and challenging stuff coming your way. I’m sure! Nice post!
hmmm..well said!