It has been ten days since school got over, since my two years with you got done. I have been wanting to write about our time together but I needed to get over the initial wave of emotion first. And today suddenly I felt the urge to write all of you a letter, and I wished I had and given it to you all on the last day. But then again, you’re all probably to young to comprehend a lot of what I want to say. Hopefully when you’re bigger and if you still remember me, I can give this to you. Till then, I’ll just pretend I’m giving this to you.
Firstly, thank you. Thank you for letting me the best that I could, and the worst that I could, in front of you all. Thank you for letting me have my strongest moments and my weakest moments in front of you all.
There were so many times I would take one of you and walk out of the class for a little walk, to feel a little better. You didn’t know how good it felt having that little person next to me, unaware of my mental state, smiling because you feel special to go on a private walk with Didi.
Sometimes I would walk into class happy and excited for reasons you did not know but you all joined in my childlike enthusiasm and jumped and laughed with me. Those were the best days.
It’s a funny feeling knowing that I would not walk back into class again. As your teacher. There are things I see and I can’t wait to come and tell you about it and then I remember that I can’t. Maybe your new Didi will. Like the other day, I went to the Natural History Museum with another Bhaiyya’s class. And I know you all would have loved it. It had animals, the water cycle, the food chain, evolution, conservation, all these things I would have been excited to show you. I wanted to take pictures to show you. But.
You gave me peace of mind from all the things that make me so hyper in daily life. I hate it when people don’t stand in lines. And the push. And they break the lines. Then I would go to school and feel so immensely happy seeing all you standing effortlessly in perfect straight lines. I see kids shouting and disturbing people in public places, in the metro, and it makes me so angry. And then when I take you out, you’re all just so calm and happy and you just know how to be and behave. A hundred times a day in the past two years I have thought, at least there are 40 future citizens of this city I know who will be respectful and calm. And a million times in the future I will be happy knowing that you’re the future of the country.
You know I did not like being disturbed but when children from other classes walked into ours, while we were in the midst of something important, sometimes running, sometimes crying, sometimes happy, you let them join you, you let them come in and sit amongst you, you let me leave you midway between a lesson and attend to them. You understood that I was trying to be their teacher too. Sometimes when they were scared to come in, you would reassure them that it’s okay, ma’am kuch nahi kahegi. When they popped into class with a “STATUE!”, you laughed with me and statued them back.
I don’t know about the Maths lessons and the English lessons, but these things I will never forget. Because you are just good people. That’s it. And nothing can take that away from you. Unless of course you choose to let this all go and go back fighting and abusing and hurting others.
Thank you for letting me come to your homes, see your lives. It wasn’t always easy relating the you from class and the you at home. And it made me have so much for respect for the people you are. I know life is not always easy for you all, that there are people and circumstances in your lives that you should not have to deal with, but you still come with a smile on your face everyday, and you learn with that determination that you have to change this life.
It doesn’t matter where you come from, it matter what you choose to be and where you choose to go. It matters to have the right people to influence you and give you the right to choose your path. I wish with all my heart that you all that for all your lives.
Thank you.
Secondly, I am sorry. I am sorry for sometimes letting things affecting me outside of the classroom, affect the classroom. When for no reason I walked into class and got annoyed at the way you were wishing me good morning. Or after shouting at the other classes for being so rude and disruptive and then coming back and continuing that anger on you for no reason. I know you hated me getting angry with you, and I didn’t like me getting angry with you either, and I am sorry for that.
I am sorry for sometimes being irrational and not giving you the benefit of doubt. I just sometimes forgot that you were just kids being kids. For behaving the way even I do when I have to sit through a boring lecture. Fidgeting. And even though I tried my best to be engaging, I know even I would not have listened to so many classes that I took.
I am sorry for underestimating you sometimes. And then being surprised when you would all be picking things up so fast. I was afraid to be too pushy and demanding with expectations but a few nudges here and there would have helped you. I now understand.
I don’t know if I did justice to you in the last two years. If I have set a strong base so that the other Didi’s and Bhaiyya’s can come and race you through awesomeness. I don’t know how much they will have to do over. I still don’t know who your new Didi will be and I hope she is different from me so you get to learn about more different things. I hope she takes you places I couldn’t and I didn’t. I hope she makes up for all the gaps.
I spent hours thinking of surprises for you all. Fun things to do in class. Great stories and books we could read. Interesting things we could talk about. It was a dream job. It was an extension to my life, just extending things I liked into the class, sharing it with you. I know I will never experience anything like this again. But it’s okay. I want you all to be the most awesome and special thing in my life.
Your pictures are up in my room, as my desktop wallpaper and I look at them everyday. Suddenly I notice how big you all have gotten. When I was seeing you everyday, I didn’t realise the change. But now I do. You’re grown. When I first came to your class, when you were still tiny 6-7 year olds, I couldn’t imagine how you would all look as big class 4 children. So it’s really nice to see all your looking like neat, handsome, beautiful 8-9 year olds. The pictures which we took are so nice because it shows all of you being so free and so happy. Having fun. I look at them everyday and I feel happy. Oh sorry. I feel elated, ecstatic, overjoyed.
It was amazing being a part of your lives. I have plans to keep coming back to school, to keep helping the children from other classes, and meet you all. Maybe then, when school starts, I can give this letter to you all. Which you will not understand. Or value. Or keep safely for future understanding! Well, someday.
Till then, two years done and over with! A new time for you and a new time for me. And I hope it’s great for both of us! I hope we’re all compassionate, confident, curious, calm, respectful, responsible, honest and happy for the rest of our lives!
Love,
Rukmini Didi
The Glob. 